After a few months where every single cinema experience I’ve had, whether art-house or blockbuster, was ruined by inconsiderate wankers I must open with this plea: watching a film is submitting to a magic trance.
So please, people, stop talking/tweeting/rustle sweeting at the cinema, you’re breaking the spell for the rest of us!
Ok, back to work: Yet again, opposite page, I beg to differ. You CAN have an impact by not consuming the shite that Hollywood wants to feed you. They only want money! So if you spend yours on more nourishing movie fayre they will stop making the hot dogs out of remnants and start using real meat! Conversely, as previously confessed, I LOVE a sci-fi Blockbuster. Terminators 1 and 2 proper float my boat (but not “Terminator the turd” obvs).
In general I don’t like remakes, I don’t dig covers bands or “tribute” acts, and neither do I eat food which has already passed through a celeb’s lower intestine. The issue for me is simple: why remake something if you’re gonna attempt, but fail, to imitate the original?
Just don’t waste our time, UNLESS you’re going to do something radically different with the source material and thus create new depth and new meaning. But you’re not are you, Hollywood? No, you’re just going to regurgitate and expect us to eat your rancid spew.
The tragedy is that, hoping to find some caviar in amongst the diced carrots and gravy, we probably will.
But whether you choose the eyeholes, earholes & arseholes or prefer an organic artisan bistro dish, always remember:
The first rule of Film club is: You do not talk during Film club!
By Polly Perkins
Find out more about the feature film Polly is producing in Sheffield at stilllovedfilm.com